I hate that when I'm walking around Hanover by myself, i have all these thoughts that I mean to write about later on. But then when it comes to remembering them and writing them down, I end up forgetting so much of it.
Let's start by recapping the week and the weekend. It's Sunday evening, and I've spent a whole week in Germany now! I work in a small suburb called Langenhagen, it's outside of Hanover, a medium sized city in Germany. The client team is pretty great, it consists of 6 men right now. A woman will join us in a few weeks. They are from Germany, Sweden, and Austria. Those of us from out of town have been staying at a Best Western. The room reminded me of living in Rome, a single bed, very small. I liked it just fine though. Breakfast was included.
This weekend, Christian a local team member invited me to go to the flea market with his two sons, Henri and Nick, ages 11 and 7. The older one Henri spoke a little English, but Nick didn't at all. It was a lot of fun though, getting to see the city on Saturday with someone that knew where he was going was a lot better than wondering around on Friday alone. I wasn't sure how safe everything was on Friday night when I walked around aimlessly with a map. The area around the train station had a lot of shopping and restaurants, but then I wondered to some areas that didn't have anything. There were a lot of teenagers and older people.
The flea market had a lot of really interesting stuff. I might have to go back and purchase a beer mug from the middle ages. It has a lid, pretty cool looking. It was definitely more fun to have someone narrating the history of the buildings and then talking to what each thing is at the flea market. Also, I really liked Henri, and Nick. They were both really really nice kids. Not a bit annoying. God, if I could be guaranteed a great kid like that, I'd be so happy. They were very active, lively, full of energy, but not annoying or mischievous! They were adorable too! Henri tried really hard to communicate with me despite the language barrier, and he was adamant about showing me his Pokemon and music collection. But Christian said it would have to be another time. I think Christian is a single dad though because he didn't mention his wife at all, and only mentioned their mom once or twice very briefly. I wanted to know the story behind it, but clearly couldn't ask. Henri taught me a bunch of German words, I learned to count to 10. So German is really tough for me!! Is it because I'm getting old?? I suck at pronunciation, it's a lot harder than Spanish or Italian. I hear it, but then I can't pronounce it. What's wrong with me??
Then Saturday afternoon, I was exhausted, probably because the night before I only slept for 3-4 hours before waking up around 8AM. So I slept on Saturday night from 6PM till 9AM on Sunday. Today.
Today, was more walking. I kept thinking about the amazing gelato and cappuccino I had yesterday. yum. I don't really like the seltzer water served everywhere. I like no gas in water! The cappuccino isn't as good here as it is in Italy. Maybe it's the weekend, but so many couples out walking around here, it's really cute. All ages, holding hands, very much in love. I like that they are very liberal with their pda. There are special places around the city for lovers to meet and do what lovers do. I think that's really cute too.
I booked my flights to Paris and back for over July 4th weekend. I'm very excited about that! I still can't decide if I like German food yet. Haven't had any sausages because they sometimes look a bit scary. I've been having a lot of pork and ribs. I had a really amazing handmade macaroni and cheese with onions. Delicious!
The Germans aren't very fashion conscious. Just a lot of black and dull colors. Everyone wears skinny jeans or pants. A lot of leather jackets. I feel like somethings like Pokemon, jean jackets, mps, etc are very much out of fashion in the States but live and well here.
So I'm staying at the Courtyard Marriott right in front of the Maschee, a giant man made lake. It's about 7km in diameter. And there are these GIANT carps in the lake. They must weigh like 40lbs because some of them a huge. They also look different, some have golden scales on top. Christian told me that right before new years, they go and fish them out and it's a holiday tradition to eat carp. Also, some people keep a golden carp scale in their wallet for good luck, it's suppose to bring fortune and wealth.
There were also a kayak polo competition in the lake this weekend. A lot of kids/teenagers playing kayak polo. It's like water polo, but in kayaks with 1 ball that they have to throw in a large net. Looked pretty tiring because they have to row and throw.
Meeting Henri really made me happy. I kept thinking how great it'd be to have a son like him. I think he really liked me too. When his dad left for a few minutes, Henri kept staring at me like a little kid in love, just smiling, and not knowing what to say. It was really funny. I really hope that God gives me happy kids someday. So today I walked around the lake all 7Km of it, and was thinking about kids. When did I start hating them? I had a pretty good conversation with God today during my 7Km walk around the lake, I think He also taught me a pretty good lesson in the process. I kept thinking about my future and how I'd like to have kids someday. I thought about marriage, and I'd go about choosing my life partner, and what I'd like to do before I get married. Half way through the walk, this guy - pretty young good looking guy, was pushing a really cute baby in a stroller. I saw it, and it was laughing, I thought it was appropriate that I was thinking about kids and there was this baby. The guy kept walking next to me so the baby could stare at me. The guy kept smiling at me, I wasn't sure if he was trying to hit on me with his baby. Kinda tacky. Right after that, it started to rain. Drizzled at first. Then it got heavy, I didn't bring an umbrella. Then it was pouring, and just as it did, there was a house and a small ledge that a few people were standing under. I hadn't seen a building or anything to take cover under for 15-20 mins before. But magically just when I needed something to take cover under, there it was. I loved that. Then later on, it got lighter, I kept walking. I knew that God was saying something to me. Life is going to feel like that sometimes. It's going to get hard and it's going to feel impossible but He will provide for me, I just have to trust him. Not be angry or worried in the process, just hopeful and grateful, which makes me really happy.
So back to the kids discussion, when did I start hating kids?
I remember when I was little, I was stuck with babysitting for a dozen of kids of all age ranges whenever we went to a house party with Chinese friends. I liked babysitting and having that responsibility. I changed diapers and held crying babies. I had a lot of patience, and was really really good with them. I also babysat for our neighbors, Abby and Griffin. Then there was the summer camp in Plainsboro, I think they were 1st-3rd graders for over 6 weeks in an all-day camp. I'd bike there and back.
Also in high school, I was a 4th grade Sunday School teacher for a year. I taught about 10-12 4th graders for an entire school year on biblical stories and teachings! I remember assigning homework, making sunday school lessons, looking up bible verses, and then planning activities. It would take a pretty long time to plan it all out, and then grade the homework. But I loved it, I loved teaching and watching the kids' expressions when I told them stories. I'd get the kids to act out some of the stories and then we'd have competitions to see who could remember the assigned bible verses. I was always so impressed by their ability to remember so many verses! I loved those kids. And they'd see me around church and say hi to me and some of them would run up and give me hugs. Kids in 4th grade are pretty sweet. Very easy to teach.
Then there was being a retreat counselor for a Summer Retreat. I forget what it was called, I remember it was at some university in NJ; it was my first time going, but somehow Tim convinced me into being a resident counselor for 6th graders. I was responsible during the 4 or 5 days for 10 6th grade girls. I was basically their RA. I think I was only in 9th or 10th grade then, so not much older than them. I had to make sure that they went to the workshops and different services on time, we always had our meals together, and then I was responsible for them during the evenings. My parents were at the Retreat too, and I think all of my PCC friends were there; but I barely saw them. I was stuck being an RA for a group of 6th grade girls. But I think I loved it. Some of them were just starting out as middle schoolers, some were still in elementary school, but they were all wide-eyed, curious, and impressionable. I remember being a little scared, not wanting to give them any bad guidance or be a bad influence. Wanting to do the right thing, teach them what God intended them to learn. Wanting so much to be good, and do good. I remember one or two nights we stayed up talking in my room for a while because some of the girls just had so many questions and things to talk about. They'd ask me all these questions about boys, dating, and God. I think I answered them to the best of my ability. From then, I knew. I knew that I had a special gift of guidance and inspiration. I knew that God used me to speak to those girls. But it was also a really scaring thing because of how much influence people can have on one another. I think I felt really close to God then, but in a way, it was also very draining to have to be constantly searching and praying for the right things to say. I was terrified that I'd do the wrong thing. But somehow, i managed to exude confidence and not let anyone down. I think I can also err on the side of self-righteousness sometimes and pretend like I know the right things and just speak from my mind and not listen to God and end up saying or doing the wrong things. That's what I'm most afraid of. Especially with my kids. I'm afraid I'll just follow in my own path and do what I think is best, instead of asking God and following in His will.
I think I'm just looking for the right person to start a family with, and then I might have a little more confidence in my parenting abilities? I'd like to lead a small group or a church youth group again sometime in the near future. But I guess I'd also like to do it with a partner, perhaps someone that I'm dating then, and together we can lead a small group and do weekly devotionals. But I think even more importantly than just reading the bible and learning from one another, I think being able to be responsible for a small group and having to coordinate the logistics of being responsible for them would enable me to learn to be a better parent. I hope I can learn about myself in the process and how I'd like to teach my kids. I hope God will give me that opportunity.
I really want my future husband to know the words of Michael W Smith's song Prince of Peace (You are Holy). So we can sing the two parts simultaneously. Haha. I miss the good old days of leading worship at PCC. I think that was one of my favorite songs to sing when we did worship. I don't think Jason and I were very good. In fact, I think we were pretty bad at it especially because neither of us knew how to play the guitar, so we'd have to rely on Fred. But still, they were really good times when we got to pick out the songs. I always had my favorite ones. There weren't that many, but I'd always try to stick a few in.
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